Yuki Is a Drity Perv
by Geo-tastic
Summary: Random Yuki. Being nasty. Funny.
1. Yuki Dirty Lyric Special

Ahaha, this is Yuki randomness. If Yuki was more….how should I phrase this…PERVY. Just like SHIGUIRE!!! YAY!!!

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Yuki Dirty Lyric Special

Yuki: You know, songs often make me wonder….but nothing dirty!!

((flashback!!))

Haru: (singing) A little less conversation, a little more ACTION PLEASE!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Yuki thinks: What the hell? Why is that fat-ass cow singing about saix for??

Yuki says ('cause he can do anything better than Kyo can ('cause he's a girl!!!): Haru, why are you singing an Elvis song if you're just going to screw it up!

Haru and Yuki have a same-thought moment: SCREW!!!!!!!

Haru sexz: Why not?

Haru thinks: SEXZ!!!!! AHAHHA!!!!

Yuki thinks: $$#&(&(#$#$!!!! ARGH!!!

Yuki says: smiles

Haru: Yuki?

Yuki: What?

Haru: You were thinking out loud.

Yuki thinks: DAMN!!

Yuki says: Was I really?

Haru: No. ILOVEYOU!

Yuki thinks: (ah, I love you, too, you sexxxy bitch!)

Yuki says: WHAT?!

Haru: Ahaha!! I was kidding!

Yuki: But I though you did love me!

Haru: I lied (walks away happily singing) We welcome you to Crackerbox Palace….

Yuki thinks: Think of what you could you do with animal crackers. smirk

Yuki says: Gah! (angered)

((end flashback))

Yuki: Hm….yes, well, I don't' usually get mad like that or explode at people very- (is cut off by another:)

((flashback!!))

prehistoric times

Yuki: Ug. Ugga. Ugh. Kugan. (translation: Oh. My. God. It's Kyo. Run!!)

Kyo: Ughus shug ugggggaaaah!!! (translation: "cause I'm Slim Shady!! Sexy, yeah!!!)

Yuki: Durr. (translation: I wish I could talk in a normal fashion 'cause this really kinda sucks. Plus, it's way out of style.)

Kyo: Well the shit just seems that everybody just wasn't to disgust me, so this must mean I'm disgusting. But it's just me, I'm just obscene!

Yuki: (whines) Ughhhhh!!! (translation: Not fair!!!!!. Hey….I wonders if by obscene he means he plays with….)

((end flashback))

Kyo: He's even twisted "Numa Numa" (with the help of his beloved Haru, of course)!

Yuki: Have not!!!

((flashback))

Yuki and Haru: (both is loose kimonos with microphones hooked up the a large-screen TV.)

Yuki and Haru: (singing:) **Ah-hee, ah-hoo, ah-ha! Ah-ah-ah-ah!**

**Ah-hee, ah-hoo, ah-ha! Ah-ah-ah-ah!**

**Me-hee, me-hoo, me-ha! Me-ha-ha!**

**Me-hee, me-hoo, me-ha! Me-ha-ha!!!**

Yuki: **'Allo! Suck me! It's me, your Yuki. **

**See me all, you know you want me bad, **

**You assful players!**

Haru: **'Allo! 'Allo! It's me, Haru, the gay one!**

**Do these prints go with the chain around my neck?**

Haru and Yuki: **You can touch us, ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey! **

**Ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey. Ooh-ah, ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey!**

**We would like that very, very much.**

**We could even pay you all.**

**You can touch us, ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey! **

**Ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey. Ooh-ah, ooh-ah, ooh-ah, 'ey!**

**We would like that very, very much.**

**We could even pay you all.**

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And that was the first part of Dirty Yuki Series. Haha!!! I love it!! Yuki's a pervert!!!! tee hee!!!


	2. After school, Haru, After

Here it is, the second "Yuki Is A Dirty Perv" installment. Here we go!! I got a lot of these ideas by sitting in class with my pink pen and twisting things classmates and teachers said. And let me tell 'ya, it was NOT hard. Not hard at all….

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After School, Haru. After.

Today, I saw Haru at school and I was like "Hey, Haru!! What's up?!" and Haru said to me (he was black, by the way)

"Hey are you doing anything after school today?" he said.

"Well," I was like, "I WAS going to go to the library and pretend to study while I really-"

"No? Good."

"Why, Haru? Are you black?" even though I already knew the answer.

"Yeah." He said pervilly.

"What did you have in….mind?"

"Dude, let's go run through the cornfield naked, backwards!!" Haru screeched, causing several 3rd years to turn and gape. "What the hell are you looking at?!" Haru screamed at them. They kinda ran. I didn't know you could run that fast in a skirt. Maybe I should try that…..

"What cornfield?"

"The one behind the school. Duh, Yuki," XD.

"Oh. That one….OK!!!" I said. I felt kinda-

"Anyway…."

after school

"Haru?" I was outside behind the school, looking like a fool, just stading there in my boxers…er, birthday suit, I mean. I was stading behind a bush!!! Geeze, don't get all ohmygodwhatthefcuk on me. sigh "Haru? HARU!!!!"

And he never came. I ran through the cornfield backwards. Still naked. It was quite chilly. After you've gotten lost for an hour. I reeeeeeeeeeeealy didn't want to call for help. 'Cause what would I look like, standing there, trying to cover up myself with a young ear of corn (is it appropriate for baby corn to see a naked person? Is corn female or male? confused). But then again, I don't know if it'd really bother me….Um…Yeah.

I eventually found my way back to the school, and let me just say, I was a little itchy a little on my body. More like all of my whole fricking body! sigh yeah. I saw part of the Price Yuki Fan Club on the walk home and I had a real time trying not to scratch my ass in front of them. And every0thing else. Heh. :D

Anyway, when I got home I took an extra hot bubble bath with Tohru's soap and when I got out, I tracked a bit of water everywhere. Hehe. sweatdrop Does that make me Crazy? Heehee! I love that song.

I smelled like a girl then. Kyo said "Hey sexy," when I walked by.

I was like "WHAT? Kyo, I didn't know you though that!" hahahahahaha!!!

He was like "W-what? I thought you were…TOHRU!!" Kyo looked a bit flushed. He doesn't like me, just in case you got the wrong idea then.

I wiggled my behind in his face. "LOOIK!! I'm AYAME!"

"Get away from me PERV!!!" Kyo kinda yelled.

"'Don't raise your voice. Me and Yuki are both fragile,'" I said, in perfect Ayame imitation, by the way. hmph

"GET OUT!" Kyo yelled. I blew him a kiss and left. When I was gone, I heard Kyo scream and throw his chopsticks on the floor.

Later, Haru called me.

"Um, Yuki?"

"Yeah yeah?" I yelled into the fone.,.

"Yuki, why are you yelling?" Haru questioned.

"Dangnabbit, these new phaangled…phones, is that what you call them?! I dno't know how you kids use these machines!" I said in an old grandpa (perfect imitation of Tohru's) voice, still yelling. Haru will be deaf!! Wait, that's bad, isn't it?

"Yuki. Be serious, please."

"Whatever you say, baby," I said in my sexisextt voice. You guys all now I suc at spelling right??

"Yuki, I have the distinct feeling I said I was going to do something with you today after school…."

"Oh yeah. You did," I informed him.

"What was it?" Haru sounded kinda uneassy.

"We were going to run through the cornfield behind the school."

"Wh-"

"Backwards."  I felt like that.

"What?!" Haru squeaked. Dind't know cows squessked.

"We were gong to run thorught the cornfield behindf the school backwards!!!" Happy happy, joy joy. Happy happy, joy joy joy!!!!

"Wha'…..??!!"

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So…how was that one?? I hoped you liked it!!! It was really fun!!!! And yes, Yuki does suck at spelling! TEEHEE!!!

Next installment on the menu: Lunch Time!!


	3. Lunch Time!

AHAHA!!! Here lies the next episode of "Yuki is a dirty perv!" X E 3 : ) - like the skull?! Teehee! Also, I'm NOT picking on you Mary, but just so you all know, too. You pronounce my name JOE. Not Gee-oh. Oh, and also I just wanted to bring up the fact that, if you haven't all noticed this already, and even though some Furuba fans I know in my school would murder me for saying this….has anyone noticed that the English voice actor for Yuki sound like a MOLESTER!! I swear that's what his voice sounds like to me….. shrugs I don't know! hides in corner and cries

**Yuki: Don't cry!**

**Geo: NO!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME RAT MAN MOLESTER!**

**Yuki: Ok… confused starts to walk away**

**Geo: No! Don't go!! I love you, Yuki!! **

**Yuki: eh?!**

**Haru: suddenly appears Back away from my rat, bitch!! **

**Geo: Never!!!**

**Haru: Keep your distance... SLUT!**

**Geo: Now that isn't very nice, but since you're hot (other spelling: hott), I'll give you a break.**

**Haru: Hey, you think I'm hot (hott)?**

**Geo: Hell yeah.**

**Haru: Sweet. Wanna go on a date?**

**Geo: YEAH!! walks out with Haru**

**Yuki: What about me? pouts**

Anyway. To the story…

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Lunch Time!

"And I'm here, talking into a purple sparkly comb the Prince Yuki Fan Club gave to me like a really fake-mustached new announcer. Donesn't ths comb go perfdect with mey eyes?"

"Yuki!" --;

"Oh yeah, oh yeah! Anoytway, I'm here reporting the news at my high shcool's cafeteria for- I bet you'll never guess why I'm here! () Nope! It's for lunch!! Sooo…can I be done ving a reporter now, Haru?"

"Yeeah. That sucked anyway," Haru walked to our table with the rest of the guys. I stuck my purple sparkly comb in my hair. It fell out.

"Damn," No 'fro. "I;m gonna go get my lunch!" I yelled at Haru and the rest of our table, ripping off the fake silver mustache. Wait. I wasn't even wearing one. Hehe. That DOES make me crazy. Eeeheeeehehehehehhehehhewjedhn!!!

That was nonesences. I don't make sences most of the time, if you haven't neticeced. I really can't speill either. Like sometimes don't match the keys on the keyboard. Like this: uykokci shochjhkkma. That was my name. Yfuki Sohma. Oops. I mean Y…U…K…I. S…O…H…M…A.

You may now call me Yfuki!!! No, don't I'm kidding. If you do you'll wake up with a bashed nose. Oh, no. I won't do it. I'll sic my Haru on you. My black Haru! 3 I'm not a violent person!

"HEY!! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY OR I"LL PUNCH YOU DAMN LIGHTS OUT!!!" I screamned at the person that budged me in the lunch thing….Line. I meant to say LINE. pervy smile What? Why are you staring at me all weird? Like I was saying, I'm not a violent person. Nope. Not at all.

"Yuuukiiii!!" some girl (or girly-voiced man not haru. He doesn't haved a girly foyce. It is sexy, however) called in a nausingting voice from somewhere the hell behind me.

"Shit," I mumbeled to myself, ducking behind the really tall dude standing behind me. "Hi! Did your mommy feed you growth hormones like they feed to cows?" Haru looked at me sucspiciosly from across the room. I waved and smiled at him, turning back to face the front of the line. "Kindly don't pant down my neck please, " I said, not turning to face the giant. "It's disgusting. Oh, and I hope you weren't offenced by what I said just a minute ago, ok, Mr. Giant-chan? I mean kun. Heehee!"

Then I spent the rest of the time in the lunch line comparing the 4th years boobs to the 3rd years. Mmmmm-mmmmm good!

What was for lunch you ask? Green jello, but of course!!! Well there was some white rice and orange chicken that was really orange…..ew. I picked up my tray from the checkout counter, where I talked dirty to the cafetheiria worker and once AGAIN didn't have to pay, and walked to the table with Haru and everyone else.

"Sup, Yuki!" some random guy said to me when I sat down. He sites at our table every day, but I don't feel like stating hsi name at the moment. :P After all, this is MY stuff. N partly Haru's.

Haru was already eating his lunch a few chairs away on the roundish table. He packed his lunch. Smart, that one. I started in on the funky tasting really really orange chicken. "Bleh."

"Nasty?" Haru said, popping a marshmallow into his mouth. I swear, that boy packs the weirdest lunches. And he has a marshmallow fetish. ;)

"Yeah." I made a nastied out face.

"Try the jello, then," someone sugesseded.

"Thank you, I will, boy. Thank you for the advice. Thank you so much. I don't know how to thank-" I stood ubruptly, "NOT SO MANY MARSHMALLOWS, HARU!!!" everyone stopped eating and was staring at me. I sat back down calmly. "You could choke." I said calmly. "Haru?"

"Yeah?" he said swallowing about 50 billion marshmallows that were in his…er…mouth. :D Give it to me, baby! Uh-huh, uh-uh! Give it to my baby! Uh-hu, uh-huh! And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy!!!

"Don't eat so many marshmallows at a time!! SHeesh!!"

"Ok. Hey, Yuki. I saw that girl with the huge boobs standing in front of you in the lunch line," said Haru, finishing off his marshmallows. That boy is also a living vacccum. I don't get it. He's damn skinny. I should know! smile

"Yeah…" I felt a little funny then. Teehee.

"Yeah. Why didn't you talk to her?" Haru asked, moving on to his sandwich. Peanut butter and marshmallow fluff. rolls eyes

"'Cause."

"Cause why?"

"BECAUSE the last thing you want, my friend, is to get caught screwing around in the lunch line!! Duh!! I'd much rather do it in a locker room or something….or not….

"Too true," Haru giggled like a little girl. I joined in. I would, in fact, be a girl if I wasn't in fact a guy!!

"Hey, Haru. Are you going to eat that banana?" some random person at our table asked. Haru turned to him reeeeeeeealy slow.

"Don't touch my banana!" he snatched his lunch bag off the table and into his lap, temporarily black. Haru doesn't like it when people ask for his banana. AHAHAHAHA-fcuking-AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! I crack myself up!!!! "Mine…!"

"So, Yuki," White Haru asked.

"Are you sure you don't want it?" the person asked again.

"YES, DAMNIT!!! SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME AND MY BANANA ALONE!!!" Black Haru screamed. That kid shut up really fast. Ring ring ring ring, BANANAPHONE!!! It's no BALONEYYY!! It AIN"T A PHONEY!! My cellular bananular phone!!!!

"Yuki," White Haru was back again. O.o "What do you think we could do with that green jello?" smirk

Me: smirk Ehehehehehehe…!!!

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There you have it. Next installment of Yuki is a dirty Perv. Next on the schedule in "Making Models in Biology." That should be fun. Please R&R!!!! Thank you so much for reading!

Yuki: YEAH, BABY!!!! creepy imitation of Austin Powers


End file.
